Bodily Seasonality

I know I’m not alone when I say my body has seasonality. It fluctuates in size, strength, and ability depending on the season, where I am in my training, my hormonal cycle, my dietary habits, the climate that I’m in, and many other factors. Yet, each time it changes, I notice a shift in how I celebrate or shame my figure, and I’m either proud of my frame or embarrassed to call it home to my form. 

As a society, we are incredibly metric-based in our performance and in sizing our worth. We view these measurements as rubrics to success, finding quantitative value in what we can firmly know. Established good, imperfect, and in-progress markers dominate how we view ourselves. 

I’ve been coming to accept that my body is changing daily. Each marathon cycle, I generally gain due to increased cardio, producing a greater appetite within me. Yet with each training cycle, I have noticed something that can’t be measured when I wake up: my confidence in the movements. I am learning to live in my body, accept the work it does, and push toward each powerful stride. 

During this past year, I worked with a nutritionist to get to my “ideal racing weight” and figure out how I need to fuel for success. While outwardly, my goal seemed wholesome, I became increasingly hard on myself. I was seeing progress in some fashion, but my weight would continue to fluctuate. I was told to eat fewer calories than comfortable, and I watched my self-esteem plummet. 

I felt the need to keep up with this regiment, knowing that it could have success for me physically, but I then realized it had begun to take a toll on me mentally. I know I’m not alone in this struggle. Mixed messages are pervasive in society regarding what to eat, how to work out, and what progress looks like. 

As my scale ran out of batteries, I refused to replace them. Now I’m asking my body how it feels each morning rather than measuring where it is. Changing this mindset isn’t easy, but I notice how freedom in this area allows me to be in tune with my emotions and strengths, seeing how my body fluctuates.